Jo Smith - Hawke's Bay Wedding Celebrant

What does your celebrant do the day before your ceremony?

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 21:59:01 -0800

A wedding is a fabulous milestone event that a couple shouldremember forever – for all the right reasons. A day to be surrounded by the people they hold in their hearts. Naturally, a great deal of planning and organising will have gone into making it everything they’ve ever wanted, and by the day before most things have been set in motion. You may be feeling excited and perhaps a little nervous that it’s all going to go to plan – the wedding of your dreams.

One person who truly has your back is your celebrant. They’ll ensure everything to do with your ceremony goes to plan, even if the weather turns ‘iffy’ or some other unforeseen issue. Your personalised ceremony script and vows will be finalised and all the special touches for your ceremony
sorted. They’ll be adept, flexible and will have communicated withyou many times to get to this point.

Day before prep

For celebrants, the day before a ceremony is usually spent checking and double checking everything. No doubt your celebrant has a check list they go through to ensure everything’s ready and perfect for the big day. They’ll usually read through the ceremony script a number of times and rehearse it out loud, to feel completely comfortable and confident with their delivery of it.

Your celebrant will also be putting the finishing touches to their ceremony folio or ensuring it’s all loaded onto their tablet. They’ll have all the legal documents printed out and ready to take with them, as well as a signing pen and some spare ones. Some celebrants bring a folio or paperweight
in case wind on the day decides to play havoc with the legal documents.

Day before rehearsal

A rehearsal is a choreographed run-through that usuallyhappens the day before the wedding itself. It takes about an hour and is held at the wedding venue or a substitute place if...Read More

Children Grieve Too

Sat, 27 May 2023 19:05:33 -0700

Before the 20^th Century children often experienced life and death in the same household. They lived under the same roof with a number of generations. They learnt first-hand about illness and ageing as well as birth, babies and growing up. Children saw people get older and were involved looking after their grandparents or some other elderly family member. And they often witnessed death. The cycle of life and death was a reality to them.

In the 21st century we tend to live in a grief-avoiding culture. Children today need to know that death is part of life, death is the natural end of life. They need to be told the truth even if the person who’s died was young. Sadly they’re often lied to about the actual state of health of a loved one.

Protecting children from the reality of death is harmful. It will come back to bite them at some point in their lives. Unresolved grief accumulates. Here’s what can happen.

They have unresolved feelings of abandonment, an emptiness, not understanding why.
They may compartmentalise life before and after the death of a loved one.
They bury their feelings, bury the reality and live in a pretence that everything’s okay.
They may fantasise and believe their imaginings to be true.
They may show behavioural issues, self-harm, make poor decisions..
They may become bullies and victims.
They may develop mental issues and anxieties that fester untreated.
Their emotional development will be impaired.
They may have poor relationships.

What can we do as adults?

Keep death simple. Share information in simple, clear ways at a level they understand. And share in a timely manner.

Be honest. Let children ask questions and answer them honestly even if you don’t know the answer.

Never lie. If we’re not honest, children will make stuff up to try and make...Read More

We just want a quickie

Tue, 01 Nov 2022 12:28:24 -0700

We just want a quick marriage ceremony – no fuss, no frills.

Lordy, lordy, lordy, it’s so hard to understand why two people wanting to get married just want a quickie, a 5 minute job – doing themselves out of exploring and experiencing their love journey. Is it because of money? Is it because you’re shy? Is it because you can’t be faffed? Is it because you just want to cut to the chase and get the party going? Isn't your love worth more than a quickie?

Having said all that, I can understand why some couples are opting for a Registry Ceremony given time and budget restrictions and also gathering family who may be overseas. A Registry Ceremony is exactly what was once available at your local courthouse and is now done in the community by VCANZ celebrants. These are validated celebrants from NZ's only professional association and who are approved by the Registrar-General. There is a standard script with standard vows and the whole process will take no more than 15 minutes including signing documents.

However, it’s quick to say I ABC take you DEF to be my XYZ and for me to say I pronounce you to be married. Having a Personalised ceremony gives you so much more scope in date, time and place and also content.

Actually getting married is a BIG DEAL. It’s one of life’s biggest deals. You’re choosing to be together as life partners – in all it’s guises, legal and personal – through the calm and storm. Marriage ain’t for the faint hearted. A personalised ceremony will take about 25 minutes, give or take - it goes very quickly.

Once the foreplay and heat have been well and truly worked over, the anchors that will always hold you together remain love, friendship and laughter. Without these, your union will be rocky.

You may have been together for a while, ‘living in sin’ as it used to be known. Being married is different from ‘living together’. Because marriage is anchored with promises and vows, made in front...Read More

Queenhood

Sun, 19 Jun 2022 20:53:40 -0700

Queenhood
by Simon Armitage, Poet Laureate
Written to honour HM Queen Elizabeth II’s 70-year reign

An old-fashioned word, coined in a bygoneworld.
It is a taking hold and a letting go,
girlhood left behind like a favourite toy,
irreversible step over invisible brink.
A new frock will be made, which is a country
hemmed with the white lace of its shores,
and here is a vast garden of weald and wold,
mountain and fell, lake, loch, cwm.
It is constancy and it is change:
the age of clockwork morphs into digital days,
but the song of the blackbird remains the same.

Queenhood: a long winding procession
from the abbey door to the abbey door.
Queenhood: vows taken among bibles and blades,
beneath braided banners and heralding horns;
the anointment of hand, breast, head, with oil
of cinnamon, orange, musk and rose; promises
sworn in secret under tented gold
so daylight won’t frighten the magic away,
too sacred by far for the camera to see.
It is an undressing first then a dressing up,
a shedding of plain white cloth then the putting on
of a linen gown and the supertunica – dazzling gold foil
lined with crimson silk. Man will walk
on the moon, great elms will fail and fall.
But a knife’s still a knife. A fork’s still a fork.

III

So the emblems and signs of royalty areproduced:
the gilded spurs; the blued steel sword – like a sliver
of deep space drawn from the scabbard of night –
to punish and protect; bracelets to each wrist,
sincerity and wisdom – both armour and bond.
Love is still love is still love, and war is war.

Celebrant, cartographer and peacemaker

Thu, 10 Jun 2021 19:35:16 -0700

Ceremony and ritual are as old as the hills - timeless

Weddings are a joyous occasion. So is the birth of child, a major achievement, a BIG number birthday or anniversary. Funerals too are a celebration, the honouring of a loved one and a 'goodbye'. As a celebrant I help people journey through ceremony to put a flag on their mountain top and marker on their map.

Our birth and death bookend life’s beginning and ending. And in between there are markers and milestones that lay down growth rings making each of us a unique human-being - full of wonder, wisdom and hopefully some wit. Seeing the funny side of life really helps - you ain’t-gonna-get-out-of-it-alive!

A great celebrant can read situations quickly and adapt the ceremony. They'll put you at ease and have presence. They're inclusive, gather the focus and gently steer the helm. After all the ceremony is for you to experience. It should be life-changing and memorable for all the right reasons. Whatever the occasion, a great celebrant will set the scene, the tone with inclusiveness and love. And more importantly you'll feel safe and in great hands.

Being a trained and experienced celebrant permits me to create and deliver ceremony for life’s journeys. This is intimate and fragile work – often confidential. With many years under my belt of success and failure, love and loss, grief and joy, pain and pleasure – really listening and understanding, really empathising and being 100% authentic is at the core of what I do. I strive to hold every ceremony in both hands to enable the people involved to feel safe and truly free to live it.

Beautiful, authentic, amazing, meaningful, fabulous, heartfelt are some of the words that people use to describe their experience. It’s humbling to receive this feedback. Every person, every couple, every family is unique and I give my all to make it resonate and life affirming for...Read More

Amanda Gorman

Thu, 21 Jan 2021 15:46:34 -0800

‘The Hill We Climb’ was written and delivered by Amanda Gorman at Joe Biden’s Presidential Inauguration, January 20^th 2021. The poem was commissioned by the USA First Lady, Dr Jill Biden.

When day comes we ask ourselves,
where can we find light in this never-ending shade?
The loss we carry,
a sea we must wade
We've braved the belly of the beast
We've learned that quiet isn't always peace
And the norms and notions
of what just is
Isn’t always just-ice
And yet the dawn is ours
before we knew it
Somehow we do it
Somehow we've weathered and witnessed
a nation that isn’t broken
but simply unfinished
We the successors of a country and a time
Where a skinny Black girl
descended from slaves and raised by a single mother
can dream of becoming president
only to find herself reciting for one
And yes we are far from polished
far from pristine
but that doesn’t mean we are
striving to form a union that is perfect
We are striving to forge a union with purpose
To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and
conditions of man
And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us
but what stands before us
We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,
we must first put our differences aside
We lay down our arms
so we can reach out our arms
to one another
We seek harm to none and harmony for all
Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:
That even as we grieved, we grew
That even as we hurt, we hoped
That even as we tired, we tried
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious
Not because we will never again know defeat
but because we will never again sow division
Scripture tells us to envision
that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree
And no one shall make them afraid
If we’re to live up to our own time
Then...Read More

Lifting the veil

Sat, 05 Sep 2020 13:18:17 -0700

Veils are back in fashion thanks to Kate Middleton and Kate Moss. Today a bride can choose from a vast array of veils, hats and floral crowns.

Here’s some of my faves…

The blusher veil, elbow length – The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton is the best example

The bird cage veil – shortest of them all and worn on the front of the face or covering the entire head.

The fly away – a short floaty style with layers of tulle, very 60’s.

And the chapel length- the most formal; worn with a full gown and train.

My top tips about wearing a veil…

Your veil is an accessory, the finishing touch. It should complete your overall look.
Is your wedding semi to formal with a sense of glamour or very relaxed and casual. Match your head wear to your wedding style.
Wearing a veil just for your ceremony? Make it absolutely fabulous. Your hair style needs to be just right to carry it off and support your veil.
Match the colour of your veil to your gown.
A veil with volume needs layers of tulle.
Secure your veil with a dainty tiara or elegant hair pin.
Attach your veil at the top of your head, two to three finger widths back from the middle. Make sure your veil is really securely fixed to your head and hair so you can be a happy, confident bride.

In the 19^th century a bridal veil symbolised virginity and modesty. The veil was lifted by the bride’s father giving his virgin daughter to the groom or the groom lifted the veil to kiss her symbolising his conjugal rights. Today a bride can still wear a veil that covers her face and the groom lifts it, particularly if it’s a Jewish or Christian marriage ceremony. However most couples in the western world have already lived together and may even have children. So a veil can still be worn without it covering the face.

Wishing you a fairtytale wedding. May you feel as beautiful as you look. And may your wedding day be...Read More

Marriage planning a minefield?

Sat, 25 Jul 2020 18:52:24 -0700

Planning to get married can be a minefield – treading on toes and hidden agendas. The moment you announce your engagement, wedding expectations start leaking into everyday conversation.

Family expectations OMG...

Too many ‘rellies on the guest list and not enough friends.

Mum wants to take over...

Dad's worried about costs...

Grandparents want to see you married in a church just like they were...

The in-laws turn outlaws because one of you has kids...

And the kids are soooo excited they're driving you dilly.

Whoa back up the truck. You could escape the war zone and elope – OR – together you could set the scene as you want it. Agree on what’s really important, what’s non-negotiable, what’s up for sharing. Only the two of you can set the parameters.

So here’s the thing… plan and assign tasks.
Try to give your nearest and dearest special tasks, let them be involved somehow. Maybe put your mother in charge of the flowers, your Dad on transport. Maybe your kids can write the place names and be in charge of kids activities on the day. Think outside the square.

What's important is that you secure the BIG things early on... date and time, venue, celebrant, photographer, MC, attendants - best man and lady, groomsmen, bridesmaids, hair and makeup, DJ, flowers, accommodation for guests. The rest will follow.

Allow for some surprises. Surprise each other on your BIG day. So just put your thinking caps on. Inspiration will come if you’re in the zone.

A small piece of advice...
Taking on the complete planning of your wedding can suck the lifeforce out of you. Delegate jobs where you can OR get help from a wedding planner. It's important you arrive at your wedding day in one piece, with excitement and enthusiasm - not over-worked, stressed to the max and 'over it'.

As an experienced wedding celebrant I encourage a couple to find ways...Read More

No ‘I do’ and No ‘Goodbye’

Fri, 27 Mar 2020 20:01:14 -0700

I hope you are safe and well. I’ve been thinking and feeling for couples and families either forced to postpone their wedding or unable to say ‘goodbye’ to a loved-one. It's been heartening and heart-breaking to be hearing from couples and families desperate to marry or say goodbye.

Weddings and funerals are BIG life events – they’re signposts on our life map – they’re the human experiences that transition us to a ‘new’ state of being.

Who would have thought a virus would bring the whole world to its knees in 2020. Who would have thought we’d be house bound in lockdown, in self isolation? We humans are meant to be interactive, connected.

For couples forced to postpone your wedding

CANCEL your marriage licence and apply for a refund. You’ll need to do this before the expiry date. It may take four weeks to process however you will get your $150 back and can reapply when the world is a safer place. See the end of this blog for details.

For families unable to have a funeral

The crematorium or funeral director can hold your loved one’s ashes for you and when it’s safe (Alert level 1 or 2), you can hold a memorial service or inter the ashes.

Be kind, be patient, be loving – the world needs all it can get right now.

Marriage licence refunds

Marriage licences are valid until the date of expiry, that being 3 months from the date of issue. If couples want to postpone their wedding as a result of the pandemic, there are options:

Delay having the marriage, but not later than when the marriage licence expires. This in the hope that the situation has improved within 3 months.
If the couple plan to get married after their licence expires, they can apply for a refund now. If approved, the refund will include the licence fee and the marriage certificate, if ordered....Read More

What you may underestimate about your wedding day.

Sat, 04 Jan 2020 19:13:58 -0800

Having a professional celebrant who’s experienced and skilled. They start your wedding – kick-it-off – get you married. Much better than asking a friend or family member who may then have to go through the process of becoming a registered celebrant if they’re not already – and that’s not a guarantee. They may be anxious about where to start or how to construct your ceremony, or how to deliver it including legal requirements. It may put a lot of pressure on them and they may rather be a guest.

A professional celebrant knows the ropes, and is independent of family and friends. She or he will be objective and able to manage all aspects from guest arrival to your walking back down the aisle hand-in-hand and completing the documents to be formalised into the NZ marriage records.

The two of you really need to make an effort and do the ‘homework’ for your celebrant. This makes a huge difference to your ceremony content. You’ll have a brilliant, personalised experience, magic memories and your guests will rave which will segue fabulously into drinks, canapes then photos.

Rain and wind won’t spoil your day if you plan ahead. At the end of the day it’s about getting married surrounded by people you really care about. Some of the best marriage ceremonies I’ve taken have been in front of a roaring fire, under a verandah or in the woolshed at the 11^th hour. Everyone mixes in, huddles up, shares the love and excitement.

The weather will be what it is and you’ll be glad we made alternative plans at the rehearsal. Neither of you will be phased, worried or anxious – the need for shelter and human comfort makes your wedding ceremony and reception heartfelt and warm.

How thankful you'll be getting extra chairs, shelter and a sound system. Everyone is comfy and can see and hear - so worth the modest investment.

The...Read More